Clarity...

This is mostly copied from my personal blog, so if you've already read it there, well, there you go.

So I have been vegetarian for a long time, since back in High School when I made the decision I had wanted to make for as long as I can remember. I also avoided leather, products tested on animals and all that jazz, but just didn't think to connect eggs and dairy to any form of animal exploitation or cruelty. Yes, I was naive. Breastfeeding Mitchell and getting involved in the Australian Breastfeeding Association helped me start to make the connections. I knew how tough it was for women to express when they were unable to feed their child directly for whatever reason and started to think about those poor cows who were forced to do so for hours on end. Not to mention having their babies taken away from them at birth, how terribly distressing must that be for them. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. It is a fact that animals feel pain and they have been shown to demonstrate love for their babies, etc in the same way we do so to do that to the cows (not to mention sending the calves to slaughter at 2 months of age for veal) is just, well, simply unthinkable to me.

But I still didn't take the leap straight away. I thought about it a lot and made several feeble half hearted attempts and cut down on cows milk, and converted to soy which really didn't take that long to get used to and now I actually like it. But cheese? What is it with cheese? Why is it so hard to stop eating. There are many theories around about it being addictive, which honestly does not surprise me. As soon as I have a little bit of cheese I just want more and more. So there were always "excuses" not to take that final leap. To be honest I feel pretty stupid about it now, but that's where I was at the time and we can't change the past, only do better now we know better, you know?

Another attempt to go vegan was made just before we moved up here to a small rural town in the Northern Territory of Australia. Here where people spend their weekends either fishing or shooting. Joy of joys. It's hard enough to get vegetarian food when you eat out here, let alone vegan. So of course I had another excuse. I didn't feel good about it, but that's the way it was. Oh, it's too hard living here, I'll do it once I move, which of course, was going to be last year and then at the end of the year and then not until the end of this year, and well you all know how it goes. I had decided to stop calling myself a vegetarian though, because although I didn't eat meat, being vegetarian for ethical reasons was just so hypocritical when you consider that the cruelty of the egg and dairy industries probably cause more death and suffering than the meat industry.

But then just over a month ago now, I had a moment of pure clarity. I'd starting reading a bit about veganism (again) and animal rights. I realised that I *had* to stop making excuses. Over the past few years I've realised just how important it is to be true to yourself and live your authentic life, as Dr Phil says :) When I'm not true to myself and my core beliefs I cannot feel good about myself. And the fact is that I truly believe that animal rights are important and animals have the right to live free from unnecessary pain and suffering. So how could I possibly continue to eat eggs and dairy products when it is completely unnecessary to do so for my health and well being. And while the choices in this town are limited, there is enough here for me to eat a healthy and varied vegan diet, I just need to try a little harder. And really is that inconvenience anything at all when you compare it to the suffering of the animals? No it absolutely is not so it was a no brainer at that point (and yeah, I'm not sure where my brain was before then).

So I knew that there were certain things I would need to ensure that I would not fail and that this would be forever. I knew that I had to immerse myself in the facts of the cruelty so that they were consistently in my head and make sure they were connected to cheese clearly in my head, something I've always struggled to do for some reason. The other thing was that I knew I needed to talk to / hear from people who were vegan so that I could remember that I wasn't alone and millions of people around the world do this and often in more difficult situations than I am in. So I returned to the trusty internet :) I found lots of stuff which was good. And I already have the book "Becoming Vegan" which covers all the health side of making sure you get enough minerals, protein and calcium, etc (which is nowhere near as hard as people think!!!) and the awesome "Vegan With a Vengeance" recipe book that has easy tasty recipes that mostly use easy to find ingredients.

But by far the BEST site I found was Vegan Freak. So the Vegan Freaks have a podcast that I started downloading and listening to. Bob and Jenna live in a more rural area than what I do here and they are surrounded by hunters (much like here) and have nowhere to eat out and get vegan food (much like here). Listening to them talk about how they manage and frankly how easily they manage to live vegan in such an un-vegan environment, it just reinforces how much I simply have no excuse myself. Their podcast has this awesome theme song which starts off about people thinking you're a vegan freak because it's not acceptable in our society to care that much and okay, you think I'm a vegan freak, but then the confidence gains and it finishes with "Thank f**k I'm normal, I'm a vegan freak!". And I love the song too because it just "fits" the way I feel about the podcast. Living my day to day life I feel like a freak and that if I mention I'm vegan people think I'm a freak. But I start listening to the podcast, where they often interview other vegans too and by the end of it, that's exactly how I feel, Thank f**k I'm normal, I'm a vegan freak. I'm proud to call myself that, it just fits and I love it :)

I also want to say that the people I work with are awesome. They are pretty much as un-vegan as one can get, one owns a farm where they slaughter animals and sell them, another goes fishing or shooting regularly and they all start their days with sausage rolls or bacon and egg sandwiches. But they do not make fun of me or say anything derogatory about what I believe and I really appreciate it. I know many people are not so lucky. When we went out for breakfast the other week, the boss (the new boss) even apologised for going to a place that didn't really have any options for me. I really appreciated that, but I also realise that they really didn't have any choice. There are no places to get anything other than bacon and eggs for breakfast around here and if you asked for soy milk for the cereal I'm sure they would look at you as though you had two heads. But that's okay, I just ate before I went and had a juice. It really isn't that difficult. The other night we went out for dinner to farewell the previous boss. I asked for just rice and vegetables. They asked if I was really sure. They came back later to check that I liked it (twice) because they couldn't quite believe anyone would want that but you know what, it was very tasty and they weren't rude at all, just surprised.

So in my first month as a real vegan, I have actually had a pretty painless transition and I'm looking forward to living this way for the rest of my life. Oh, and I got a Vegan Freak badge and bumper sticker in the mail yesterday, which was so very exciting, especially as it came with a hand written note from Bob and Jenna. I was starstruck!! They said that they are glad that they can help me stay vegan and sane in rural Australia. I think I will treasure that little note forever :) I can't even explain how much clarity I now have over this decision and change for me. For the past few years as I've been making feeble attempts and failing I have felt really un-authentic (if that's a word!) and just wrong and icky and not me. This choice just feels so right that I wish I could explain it but I can't. Anyway, suffice to say, I'm a Vegan Freak and loving it :)